Here I am with my morning coffee in my back deck rocking chair, puppy exploring the back yard. I haven’t watched the news in the week since the movers arrived to pack up our old house. My laptop is gathering dust, though I must get on the computer to pay bills today.  There are still little piles of boxes in every room and a small mound in the basement, yet the flowerbeds need weeded. 

How am I to balance the normal tasks amid the continued “settling in” after our move?  I want everything completed, right now; however, life doesn’t happen that way. The motto I came to live by in this past year was “one day, one moment, one breath at a time.”  This seems to need to be my continued guide for this beginning of my new normal. 

So today I will pay my bills, meet with the man from Lowes as he comes to measure for a door, go buy a cheap tv stand, and take my middle son to begin his hunt for a car. I will send off my oldest son as he returns to his apartment 1 1/2 hours away, figure out lunch and dinner, fold laundry, and unpack a box. I might even hang a picture, but mostly, I will carry on an inner conversation with The One who sustains me, and I will breathe…

I’ve been quiet for a while. I spoke with a couple counselor friends of mine a few months ago who both suggested to me that there are times we need to live beyond, under, within words, without feeling we must always speak them. This is a silence that allows us to truly hear.  

Being quiet externally also allows us to develop a greater inner dialogue with the One who dwells within our souls. In all the chaos that has been my life of late, this inner conversation has become more real to me than I had ever before known…and yet, has reckoned me back to the truth that this has been a part of me as long as I can remember.  This is my true self that has rested in God my entire life. 

In the depths of silence, God has given me a peace that I can’t describe, an internal calm that isn’t even always visible externally as I walk through daily change and make this huge mid-life transition.  The chaotic journey of this last year of my life has needed that inner calm and stability, especially in the last two months. 

In the midst of my oldest son graduating with his MEd , landing a job, finding a new apartment, and getting a tonsillectomy, my youngest(my baby girl), graduated high school, obtained her cosmetology license , traveled out of the country for the first time, and left behind her friends in the only home she’s ever really known. Additionally, my middle son packed up his life in the town we’ve lived since he was 2 1/2, spent time with friends as he could and left to  work at a summer camp where he found a  sweet, beautiful girlfriend. 

The house is empty now. We’ve said goodbye to our great little town where we’ve raised our little family. 

We spent the end of May and much of June/July saying “see you later” to many friends and acquaintances at grad parties, weddings, church, and simple meals together all while finishing up home projects and working out financing details for our new house. 

God has carried me through each step, especially in the silences of my spirit. I know He will continue to provide , sustain, guide, and bring me to JOY for each step of the journey ahead…