I’ve wrestled much with feeling like I can’t quite keep up, can’t “be there” for others like I used to be able to do or like my true heart wants me to be able to do. I’ve felt guilty at times while other times I’ve felt selfish or greedy with my time or my energy. Then, there have been moments when I’ve felt frustrated, or almost angry, with the needs around me, blaming others, and still in other moments, I’ve become distant and non-involved, coming across as disinterested or unavailable.

The truth I’ve come to realize lately is that my life is different than it used to be. My work demands more of me compared to my previous employment, more time spent at work and also spent driving to and from the office, in addition to more energy spent helping people as a big part of my job tasks. Ultimately, I have less time and less energy to spread around during my non-working hours, and I feel sad and angry about it.

Combine this reality with the sheer fact that I’m older each day than I’ve ever been before, and I then come face to face with my limitations. This is humbling to me in many ways, and I’m finding that it is requiring me to show much grace to and patience with myself. It also demands of me to take care of my health, emotional, mental, physical, social, and spiritual.

I’m thankful for family and friends who love and accept me as I am, who understand my limitations sometimes better than I do myself and who encourage to do what I need to do to be healthy and to be who I truly am, living the best I can everyday to be my authentic self. I’m grateful for patience with me and persistence in relationships when I don’t have much to give. God’s grace and mercy are brought to life to me through these precious people who love me in the midst of everything I am and everything I’m not able to be.

I am abundantly blessed as I begin this new trip around the sun. As I say so often, no person is poor who has friends (It’s a Wonderful Life), and family.