A time to mourn

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I don’t wake up early very often. Anyone who knows me much knows I am a night owl not a morning person. Yet, there are some aspects of early rising that I love.

For one, I love sunrises! Aw, to be on the beach when the sun is rising ! I also love the beauty and quiet of this time of year, turning on the Christmas tree and sitting in the silence of my sleeping home, aware of the muffled sounds of outside caused by the blanket of snow.

I have a lot in my schedule today, with my work, bills to pay , chores to do and grading for the online course I teach. My week has been challenging because a deep sadness hit me on Sunday. When it hits , life just gets harder.

I’m not sure of all the why’s for my sadness. I do battle seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and the time change this year, the early darkness, hit me sooner than usual. Responsibilities have seemed never ending of late and I can’t seem to cut my carbs to save my life. However, on top of all the usual stuff of life, I’ve had a profound sense of loss this week as our country has been mourning the loss of our former President, George H W Bush.

I can’t get over how this has hit me. I’ve cried with every newscast, social media post and yesterday’s national funeral. I’ve been trying to understand my emotions in all this.

I think some of my grief is coming from the facts that the 41 st President was the first for which I voted. I remember how deeply saddened I was when he lost the election in 1992. I lost some hope when that occurred. I also feel this grief has come on because of the fact that this great man was from my father’s generation, just two years younger than my dad would’ve been. His passing seems to represent the passing of so much more, of an era, the passing of a “kinder and gentler” nation. Then, there are a couple personal aspects that have made me feel somehow connected with this President, having a couple letters from him from back when I was more involved and felt my voice mattered, as well as having a niece who had spent time with the Bush family. Somehow, it sort of felt like he was a distant friend, a part of the family I never got to meet…

Yet, watching the funeral yesterday spawned some renewed sense of hope in the cynical part of me. I watched and heard as each speaker called out the goodness, the grace, and the greatness of this man and his family. I observed the other former Presidents and leaders as they honored and reflected on the contributions of “our brother George” (as the bishop kindly referred to him), and all this being done, being celebrated and lifted up in front of the world, in front of generations who don’t know what it used to be like to live in our country with leaders who led as he did under the circumstances in which we lived ( the Cold War, nuclear disasters, evil dictators, energy crises, the war on drugs, the AIDS epidemic … and so much more).

My point is that the Truth was spoken yesterday to billions worldwide and an example of how to live and how to lead was laid out in glory before the world. It gave me a renewed sense of hope and sense of calling to pray for our leaders in this world , that they would be convicted and inspired to lead us differently, to live better lives and represent more than their own selfish interests. It also inspired me to continue to persevere and to live life more fully, more full of passion that is fueled by the Light and Truth that lives in me, for the greater good of all, and especially for those impacted directly by my life…even in those seasons when I’m sad and overwhelmed with the demands of living.

Yes, I’m mourning but the sunrise came again today and reminded me there is gladness after mourning, weeping only lasts for the night, and one glad day, sadness will be no more.

About Tara Lea

I'm a mom and wife first and foremost. I offer Life Coaching, as well as speaking for church retreats, while writing and teaching as opportunities become available. Writing, speaking, teaching, and coaching are my means for fulfilling my life calling of helping others fit together the pieces of their lives so they can move closer to becoming all God means for them to be.

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