Psalm 139:23-24 has popped up in devotions and emails quite a bit the last few days. These verses first impacted me when I was in college. “Search me O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”(NLT)
For a person who struggles with anxiety issues, this verse became significant to me in ways it may not for those who don’t have an inclination towards anxiety. Praying these verses invites God into my struggles.
Over the years, I’ve learned much about the root of my anxiety, learned to know God sees my heart in the midst of biological issues in my brain that cause anxiety to spin out of control at times; I’ve grown in understanding that this seems to be genetic and generational, a family propensity, and began to grasp how to address it, to manage it, and to overcome much of it, while still realizing that I’m going to have times when it knocks me over like a wave crashing on the shore.
I could go on about the anxiety, but this post is actually more about the aspect in these verses that invited God to know me in my inmost parts, to examine the depths of me and reveal to me what is found there. This self examination is really what the season of Lent is about. The forty days of Lent are based off of Jesus’ 40 days in the “wilderness”/”desert” when He was tempted to the core by the enemy of our souls.
Jesus faced true self-examination during those days, confronting the reality of who He was as God’s son but also who His Father called Him to be in becoming fully human, for our sakes. Jesus had choices to make, an identity to embrace, and truth to continue to walk in with His entire self, and since we are called to follow Him, we have similar roads to journey through our own wildernesses/deserts.
Currently, my journey is continuing to walk me through moving towards greater physical wellness. This has been a concentration of mine since turning 50. I had thought it would only be for the one year, but when I turned 51 and didn’t yet feel I’d accomplished enough balance in the physical area, I committed to continuing that pursuit. So, here I am….
If you’ve been reading here in the last few months, you know I’ve had a difficult winter. My eating has been out of control at times, as has my anxiety and depression. In the last 6 weeks, I’ve been using CBD oil and that has helped me to stabilize in my emotions and keep moving forward. Thus, in the last couple of weeks, I arrived at the decision to make the most of the self-examination and reflection of Lent by going through a time of internal, digestive cleansing.
Yes, this is for a number of reasons, not only spiritual, but spiritual is a part of it, and I do feel an affirmation from the Spirit that this is the right timing for this in my life. I did this 6 week cleansing re-set last May/June, and it is based off of the diet I had to follow after my gastric bypass in 2001. It is the only diet from which I’ve ever truly been able to experience lasting and real results, both physical and emotional/spiritual.
My Lent began yesterday (instead of Ash Wednesday) due to personal family reasons, therefore, I’m beginning this blog today. My plan is to document as much of this six weeks as I can, without putting the demand upon myself to write every single day. My hope is to allow this to keep me accountable, since doing so has helped me in the past, as well as to encourage or inspire others along the way. My goals are to delve deeper into my issues with food, anxiety, fears, and my relationship with and trust of my Abba, Father. Yes, I hope to proceed with weight loss, as well as becoming more balanced holistically.
Along with my cleansing, which began yesterday with a day of all water and continues this week with clear liquids (as well as eggs, for their protein source, since they are a clear liquid before they are cooked), I also plan to be intensifying my use of EFT Tapping to break the emotional connections I have with food. I have a couple people in my life I can lean on during this time, as well. I will share here with you again in a couple days, but for now, I’m feeling hopeful and excited about what God has for me during this time. 🥰
The Lord bless and keep you in your Lenten journey, whatever that may be. I pray you are strengthened in your inner being and that you are more aware of God’s presence than ever.