After what seems like a month of rain (though it hasn’t literally been a month), the sun is shining again, the sky is blue and I have crocus growing in one of my flower beds.  We have only lived here since July last year, so I had no idea what flowers might come popping up this spring.  I’ve never had crocus before, so their appearance is thrilling to me!

Crocus are my two favorite colors, purple and green.  They are such a welcome sight, even though we haven’t had as much snow as I like to have and even though my heart still feels a little reluctant to welcome spring.  Still, they are beautiful and bring me joy, especially since they showed themselves during the rainy days and the flooding we’ve been experiencing.  They symbolize the first reminders of spring that God makes all things new.

It’s good to be reminded of this during Lent, as I prepare my heart for Easter.  I seek renewal during this time every year, in some form or another, as I lean into the hope and truth of the resurrection of Christ and seek His Kingdom to come, on Earth, as it is in Heaven.  More and more, as I’m getting older, I seek to be a part of bringing His Kingdom into the here and now of my day-to-dayness.  My prayer for Lent  is that my habits and disciplines in this time will not only renew me but will spring forth into lasting change that can impact others for the sake of the Kingdom.

This week, since Wednesday, I’ve been focusing on solitude, on more listening and less noise.  The first week of Lent, my focus was on confession, more grace and less guilt.  I am following a guide for Lent that I got from a weekly email I receive from the Renovare’ Institute.  It comes from a book, “Less is More: A Lenten Guide for Personal Renewal,  that helps us make space by prompting intentional reflection on the aspects of our lives that stand in the way of walking in God’s spirit. Each week, a classic spiritual discipline provides the entry point for self-examination, God reflection, and godly action.”  The weekly foci are as follows:

• Confession: Less Guilt/More Grace
• Solitude: Less Noise/More Listening
• Fasting: Less Consumption/More Compassion
• Simplicity: Less Stuff/More Freedom
• Frugality: Less Spending/More Peace
• Intercession: Less Me/More Others
• Reflective Reading of Holy Week Story: Less Fear/More Love

My weeks are going from Wednesday to Wednesday, since I started with Ash Wednesday.  Perhaps you are still trying to find a focus or guide for Lent, or maybe this has drawn your interest to consider Lent in a new way.  Feel free to join me as we traverse the weeks ahead toward Easter.  I’ll share more each week forward and would love to hear from you!

For now, this week of focusing on less noise and more listening is drawing my attention back to nature and God’s work that is all around us….

Psalm 19
19:1 The heavens are telling the glory of God; and the firmament proclaims his handiwork.
19:2 Day to day pours forth speech, and night to night declares knowledge.
19:3 There is no speech, nor are there words; their voice is not heard;
19:4 yet their voice goes out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In the heavens he has set a tent for the sun,
19:5 which comes out like a bridegroom from his wedding canopy, and like a strong man runs its course with joy.
19:6 Its rising is from the end of the heavens, and its circuit to the end of them; and nothing is hid from its heat.
19:7 The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the decrees of the LORD are sure, making wise the simple;
19:8 the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is clear, enlightening the eyes;
19:9 the fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever; the ordinances of the LORD are true and righteous altogether.
19:10 More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey, and drippings of the honeycomb.
19:11 Moreover by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.
19:12 But who can detect their errors? Clear me from hidden faults.
19:13 Keep back your servant also from the insolent; do not let them have dominion over me. Then I shall be blameless, and innocent of great transgression.
19:14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.

As I wrote in my last post, I’ve come up with some new tricks to help me seek greater balance and keep moving forward. I’m keeping a chore chart, for myself😉, and I’ve also made up a system of drawing little post-it’s from 3 little dishes, to care for my soul. Yes, I’m sort of chuckling at myself about it all because it reminds me of being a mom to my 3 kids when they were young.

My hope is that having everything written down helps keep it off my mind all the time , thus easing my anxiety and the paralyzed feelings I get from being overwhelmed. When I have moments free from my job(s), which are mostly all done from home, I can go pick a chore to do or pick from my soul care choices. I’ve decided if I do one chore each day (outside of dishes, laundry, trash, which are daily must-dos) then I can accomplish all that’s needed each month and not stress or feel guilty about it. Also, the soul care system is to keep me living life with movement towards holistic balance.

So, I have three bowls that are three categories….physical, social, and mental/spiritual. I’ve decided that emotional is all wrapped up with each of those, and vocational is a given (since I have to keep making an income😁).

I have exercises and activities in the physical, stuff to keep me moving while giving me variety. Stretching and walking the dog are there, as are lifting weights at the fitness center and learning Tai Chi from YouTube. I also put in choices like taking a hike, walking around downtown and going to a mall to walk on a rainy day.

I’m still getting in the groove with this system , but it’s a nice change and is getting me back into gear with taking care of myself. I’ll share more next time on the other souls care choices I’ve created and why I’ve decided to do all this.

Until then, I’m tired of rain and don’t understand why we couldn’t have more snow ❄️. So here’s what I wish I was seeing out my front door. 😓

It’s been close to a month since I wrote here. The month was filled with heaviness as unexpected grief mingled with post holiday blues and seasonal depressed emotions. I haven’t felt like writing…for that matter, I haven’t felt like doing much more than what was necessary for each day.

My eating and exercising have been poor, not horrible, not completely awash, but rather pathetic, especially for someone trying to learn how to stave off the onset of diabetes ( being right on the borderline of type 2). But I haven’t given up completely. I’ve simply tried to be gracious with myself, giving leeway for my emotions.

I’ve learned a couple things during this time. One thing is the Keto diet isn’t the best choice for losing weight unless you are committed to sticking with that way of eating for the rest of your life. The second thing is that my emotional struggles with generalized anxiety disorder and recurrent depressive episodes are never going to completely disappear in this lifetime; therefore, my proclivity to be tempted to manage my emotions with food is always going to be a challenge.

How to proceed? Keep trying to do better, to move forward towards eating healthier, be wiser, and move more. I won’t be doing the Keto diet as I had thought, but I will lower carbs and focus on eating more whole foods as much as possible. I’ll keep taking one step at a time , as per usual.

Part of my progress depends on making adjustments to my “rule of life” plan , overall. This is a way of wellness that I have learned and involves focusing on living a balanced life. To do this, I set goals, short and long term, in the six areas of life, physical, spiritual, social, emotional , mental, and vocational. I’m currently in process of adjusting my plan to bring it up to speed to my current daily life. This is a process of evaluating my desired outcomes weighed against my current realities.

I’ve come up with some new ideas of how to find the balance I need in each of these life areas. I’ll be sharing with you here in the next couple weeks as I feel I need to keep pushing myself to write by using this avenue of accountability.

Until next time, happy 6 more weeks of winter and enjoy the super bowl (or the commercials and halftime…😂).

Here we are a week past the official holiday season, and I’m trying to get back to my health pursuits. I accomplished my goal of maintaining through the holidays and somehow lost 1 1/2 pounds. Yesterday , I started back in with recording my food on My Fitness Pal (which is a great app, btw). I also meandered around Kroger for about two hours trying to buy healthy foods and restock my cupboards after they were decimated by holiday celebrations. So, that slow walk counted as exercise …yay! 😉

What didn’t go so well yesterday was trying to lower my carbs. After I input my breakfast into my app, I realized my two pieces of 100% whole wheat toast , with honey on one piece , exceeded my carb goal for the day. That left me fretting about everything I wanted to eat the rest of the day, knowing that even veggies have carbs, and of course, fruit has even more, being nature’s candy and all. By the time I arrived at Kroger, I relented and had a latte from Starbucks as I shopped. Then, as I unpacked groceries, I ate pnut butter pretzels and ended up having waffles before bed.

So , I reluctantly input all my food to My fitness Pal. Thankfully, my walk through the store offset my calories so I wasn’t too much over my calorie goal, but as for carbs, I blew it. Even though I grasp the biological facts of habits and being addicted , I don’t know if I will ever fully comprehend the attachment people can have to carbs, the emotional comfort they give. But, the truth is, the “struggle is real.”

All that being said, I was feeling a bit defeated last night, until I started flitting through Instagram and Twitter. Several posts reminded me that just because I’m not perfect , it doesn’t mean I’m not trying to change, pursuing transformation , still open to learning and growing and trying.

So, today I started again, or I continued. Today will be better than yesterday, and actually, yesterday was way better than the day before it…..

There are many traditions for the twelfth day of Christmas with its twelve drummers drumming. You can read all about them here:    https://www.whychristmas.com/customs/12daysofchristmas.shtml

One aspect that is highlighted in many of the traditions for twelfth night has to do with turning things a bit upside down by allowing the “lowly” to “rule over” the higher class citizens for the night.  This intrigued me because of how it gave witness to Jesus leaving His Father’s world to come to Earth to be with us, to serve as our servant leader, to die that we might have life.  It all comes back to Jesus, and Epiphany is no different.

January 6, today, is Epiphany.  I wanted to explain this better here, but my words would be weak compared to the following reading I received in my email today.  So, I will close my focus on the Twelve Days of Christmas with the following in hopes that it will impact you in the way it has me.  I’ve been pondering the Light celebrated on Epiphany in new ways for the last year, and now, I pray the same may be true for you.  May we be reminded anew and transformed as we seek more Light and Life and Truth in our lives, as we seek the Christ who came for ALL people, and may we all experience more JOY as a result of our seeking…..For God has said that ^“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord” (Jeremiah 29:13-14)….may we find more and more and more of Him.

The Magi 

05 Jan 2018

Yes, actually, this is one of the few symbols that make sense to me in the song about the 12 days of Christmas.  The eleven pipers represent the 11 faithful disciples.  They remained true and spread the good news about Christ throughout their world at that time.  They were like pipers piping, singing the Gospel story to all who would hear, following Jesus’ command to tell the good news to the ends of the Earth.

Another example of this is found in St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, the first American saint, who lived in the 18th and 19th centuries. Day 11, January 4th, celebrates her, and in the past it also celebrated the feast of Saint Simon Stylites (who lived on a small platform on the top of a pillar for 37 years!).

The point of all these celebrations and remembrances is Christ being the Light of the world , for all people. The Twelve Days of Christmas is supposed to bring focus to those who have played very significant parts in spreading God’s Light. Tomorrow is 12th night, the day before Epiphany, Jan 5….12 drummers drumming…

I haven’t kept up with this as I intended, and it’s because no matter how much brighter the Light may grow, darkness always tries to overcome it. There have been unexpected, difficult moments and happenings the last couple days. My attention has been unfocused, my heart heavy and my anxiety high. Yet, the Light is ever present, ever faithfully shining.

January 1, the 8th day of Christmas, traditionally celebrates Mary, the Mother of Jesus, and the 8 maids a milking represent the 8 Beattitides. The 9th day gives us the 9 fruits of the Holy Spirit in the guise of nine ladies dancing. This day, Jan 2, honors St Basil the Great and St Gregory of Nazianzen, both from the 4th century.

All of this celebrating is leading us closer and closer to Epiphany, the revelation of Christ to the Magi, said to be the first Gentiles who came seeking Christ. The 10th day of Christmas is brighter still as it memorializes the day Jesus would have been officially named in the Temple, thus fulfilling what the angel told Mary. It seems fitting that the 10 lords a leaping stand for the 10 commandments since Jesus birth, life, death, and resurrection fulfilled all the Law and the Prophets.

Though my heart is heavy with cares of this world, I have a joy that is growing as I learn more and more about these celebrations of the true 12 days of Christmas. God’s Light burns ever brighter in my Spirit.

As I closed out 2017 today, I was pondering again the significance of Epiphany, for me in 2017, and also in general. This focus of learning about the 12 days of Christmas leading up to Epiphany is impacting me in unexpected ways.

The 7th day, 12/31, is set as a day that honored one of the earliest Popes, Pope Sylvester, from the 4th century. Also, the seven swans a swimming is said to represent the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit: prophecy, serving , teaching, exhortation, giving, leadership, and mercy.

All in all, I have found that concentrating on learning about this has helped me be better prepared for the start of this new year, and I’m anticipating Epiphany with a fresh perspective. I’m looking forward to even more of God’s Light being revealed to me in this new year, as well as being used in the Kingdom to spread more of that Light.

I find that in the darkness of winter, I’m experiencing more joy, hope and brightness than I have in as many years as I can remember, of my many years struggling with seasonal affective disorder. I believe that purposefully pursuing joy and light in this past year, fighting for it even on the hard days, has made a huge difference. Life isn’t perfect, but it is much better than a year ago. I thank God for His grace, Light, and Truth, without which I would be utterly lost.

Grace and peace…and Happy New Year!!🎊🎈🎆 🎉🎇

In the midst of all the birds flying, or swinging , through the Twelve Days of Christmas, we have five gold rings. These rings are said to represent the first five books of the Old Testament, the Pentateuch, which give us a huge chunk of the backstory that ended up bringing Christ to the world.

Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy tell the story of God creating the world and us humans, our fall into sin, and God’s work to make a way to save us out of that sin. For me, this story overwhelms me with proof of how very much God loves us and wants us in His life. He goes out of His way to make a way, create a loophole, to provide the means for us to be a part of His Kingdom.

Fittingly, the six geese a laying stand for the six days of Creation. Situated directly in the middle of the Twelve Days, they serve to remind us of the very foundational truth of our faith, that all we know was created by Him who loves us so much. This place we call home exists because of all that God is: Love, beauty, grace, and mystery.

The feasts for these two days are for more obscure saints, St. Thomas Becket, who challenged the kings authority over the church, and St. Egwin of Worcester, who is worth reading about on Wikipedia. I’m not Catholic, but I do find much to be learned from reading about these traditions and those whom they celebrate.

More and more I am understanding how the Twelve Days of Christmas are meant to truly honor Christ and bring His Light further into our world.

After three French hens, there were four calling birds. The three stood for the cardinal virtues of faith, hope and love, while the four represented the Gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. The actual feasts for these days, 12/27 and 28, are for the disciple John and the “Holy Innocents”, respectively.

John the disciple is traditionally the only disciple who did not die a martyr, though he was exiled on an Island. The ” Holy Innocents” are the baby boys who were murdered by order of King Herod when he was trying to kill Baby Jesus. Celebrating John is understandable, but I had never thought of this before now. Nor had I even considered the innocent children who gave their lives for Christ, completely unaware of their sacrifice.

I cannot bring to mind very many men who could claim they had done so much for the cause of Christ without even willing themselves to do so. What love Jesus must have for those brothers of His, born when He was born, without fan fare and dying without actually having lived, so that Jesus could then live and die for all of us.

What beauty there is in considering the sacrifice of the ” Holy Innocents”! It’s the kind of beauty that pierces the heart with it’s bittersweetness. I will never think of the 4th day of Christmas the same again.